We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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