Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
