dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
