dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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