She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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