My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
