I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
