You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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