I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
