I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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