I just pynch a tree in the face
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
