I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
