she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
