Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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