i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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