I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
