Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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