Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
