He uses pillows to masturbate.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
