I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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