dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
