In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
