you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Even my vagina gasped.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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