So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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