Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize