I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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