Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
