very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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