he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
