I wanna bring you to show and tell
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
