uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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