We named our party play list daddy issues
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Randomize
