i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
