Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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