So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
