Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
