you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
