I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
