Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
