In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
