awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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