My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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