they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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