last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
