New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Randomize