I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
