I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
