Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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