I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
