so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
