My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
