Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
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He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
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I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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