He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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