I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
