Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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