Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
