Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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