Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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