Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
